In a Vacuum

The rhythm is gone,
Now with you not along,
By my side as we ride,
This ride of our song along,
I have no right to come find you,
No right to even have you in my head,
Not after the shit that I did,
Not after the shit that I said,
Telling you that I loved you,
And then leaving instead.

I hated being controlled,
I hated being a ‘baby’,
I was someone who could change a decision,
You molded me to say maybe,
I conformed,
I sat back,
I watched as you showed be what a lady,
Truly could be,
And now I find myself jaded.

What I think that we had,
Was an incarnation of beauty,
The energy of our youth,
The newness of a new college building,
Together with a Disney-cast group,
Individuals who all needed some form of learning,
Literally from scratch we created,
The perfect world,
For our passion to keep burning.

But perfection is balance,
And I threw it all off,
I thought we were strong enough to handle,
The force of my cough,
I relapsed in the winter,
You remember,
The sweater,
We designed it together,
In the coldest of weather.

I stand here accused,
Guilty by my own conscience,
But honestly I was used,
To fill the other side of a locket.

You came to me broken,
I wrote poems and stories,
I brought you back into the light,
I know I saved you from torrents,
Of depression and misery,
And now you have me all worried,
Maybe I did something terrible.

I remember my heart,
Way before you,
It had been shattered,
Stomped into pieces,
And with no more love,
I was forced to use glue,
But in healing myself,
With no guide or direction
I found truth,
And there’s a slight possibility,
I didn’t make much space for you.

Not on purpose!
My dear,
I wanted to love you,
But you never even knew me,
And alone I got lonely,
I know that half my existence,
Was stuff you never cared for,
I was so very careful to check myself,
At your door,
So that I wouldn’t disturb the balance,
And we could again end up,
On the floor,
But day after day in those same sheets,
I could pretend to be someone else,
No more.

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About brettspadaro

Attempting to complete a business degree in southern California. Dream big, act rationally. Go for what you believe in.

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