Like the intriguing placard,
On the back of a Sparklett’s truck.
It is a cold day,
And I come from a place where the warmth,
Is called ‘normal weather.’
I have my jacket,
Warm-est pair of pants,
A suit of armor,
By my design,
Keeping unwanted winds,
Away from unwanted places.
How I miss home,
It takes so much out of me,
So much effort preparing for the cold,
Prepping for the next storm,
That I forget to appreciate warmth,
Whenever I can find it.
I step out,
Decide to brave the cold,
See where it takes me to,
Aimlessly wandering like I love to do,
And something amazing happens.
A lovers touch,
Index finger tracing my jawline,
Muscles tense and go slack,
As my lips celebrate the comfort,
Of another existential body,
So warm to others,
So cold and alone,
Much like the sun I have been searching for.
Suppose someone acts against you, and you do nothing against them except exist with a slight difference in beliefs.
Say this person doesn’t talk to you, but instead waits for you to react so they could gauge your reaction, pinpoint exactly how touchy of a subject it is, and eventually tell you how terrible it is for you to feel that way.
Based on widespread beliefs.
That you semi-reject.
Suppose this person is also the only means of continuing into a successful, monetized future.
That you don’t really want to get to, so you’re dragging your feet through community college and life in general to slow your racing thoughts and try to find something that makes you feel alive before you get buried in the suburban front lawns you were born on.
This person doesn’t know that. So they continue to “fix” your life in ways that only make the days shorter.
And you love them too much to let them into your life, because you know that if you removed the veil they would be so shocked you might not have a loving home anymore.
So you continue to silently sit in between arguments with them and the wall behind you, making every effort to express that you are content (not happy), and that you solidly believe that at this age, in this town, and in this house, that is pretty damn good.
But they only see their child. And their instincts tell them to protect and provide for their child. You can’t be mad at that; you can’t even begin to refute it without appearing heartless.
But they’re a main reason you’re losing yourself.
I don’t want these,
I don’t need these,
These images conjured in my head,
Telling me how to feel,
Founded on the words that she said,
It was all perfect,
It was dark,
And I could feel the sparks in her hand,
Ahhhh but baby you opened the floodgates,
And at my center,
The very fiber of my own moral being,
I was slammed.
Among the silent masses I raise my voice,
Screaming alone at the emptiness,
The stage where a performer usually casts a spell,
Is just as barren as any hope,
That my theories are feasible.
I’d kept myself above this for so long,
It’s startling to be dropped,
Back into the foray,
Where no one acknowledges,
Although easily defeated,
A human trait that is just as pretty.
I see gorgeous, beautiful, depress-ed people,
All waiting in line,
Like bees to a flower,
Like small families to the flu vaccine,
And among all this shit,
I found something I know can change it.
An idea that’s festered like a terrible wound,
A belief system that rejects this ugly reality.
I wish to feel the warmth of your cheek,
Against my chest,
I want you to count the beats I’m missing,
Only now do I understand what you meant,
By saying one of your favorite things,
Is listening as a heart speeds up.
I wish to drag your hand slowly behind my arm,
As I follow a meaningless,
Through any crowded city street.
I wish I had the education,
My feelings about you,
But I only have what I have,
So I end up making a fool of myself,
Just to catch your eye.
I wish I could stop,
To be the man I know you deserve,
I’ve forgotten where normal went.
I find truth in your eyes,
Your ‘plain’ brown eyes,
We both know,
That even diamonds are plain,
When a queen becomes accustomed to her own splendor.
I wish you could see that.
Reality is setting in,
The time is night,
About to begin,
Of smoke and sin,
I have within.
Becomes my nemesis,
I uses what tools,
I have to remedy it,
Smile at the deficit,
I am raking in,
Results from carelessness.
Slither to my domain,
Of abstract thought,
Many an hour,
“You’re the same,”
But with no solid proof,
I dismiss it/them,
As a silly game.
Personifying objects of need,
Terrifyingly burning through weed,
Slipping down slopes with astonishing speed,
Accepting things that can definitely be changed,